The Avengers Meet Medusa And Crona
by OLD USERNAME DON'T FOLLOW
Summary: The sequel to "The X-Men Meet The Meisters!" The Avengers have assembled once before, and they'll have to do it again to save Hawkeye and Black Widow from Medusa!
1. Hawkeye's Costume Is Plain Awful

The line was long. Hundreds and hundreds of witches waited to get into Witch-Con 2009. Crona the swordmeister stood with her master, Medusa the witch, to get tickets. Crona's partner, Ragnarok popped out of her and yelled, "Are we freaking getting in or not? This is so-" He was cut short by a newspaper flying through the air and smacking him in the face. He got mad, grabbed Crona, and told her, "Listen! Get this newspaper off my face or I'll shove it up your ass!" Crona sheepishly responded, "No! It would itch all day and completely distract me! I don't think I could deal with that!" Medusa grabbed the paper. The headline said: "Avengers Defeat Terrorist With Cube!" (You might not know this if you didn't see _Thor_, but the "terrorist" is Loki. He's the villain for the new _Avengers_ movie. The "cube" is the Cosmic Cube from _Captain America: The First Avenger_.) Medusa pulled Crona and Ragnarok out of line. She opened a portal to somewhere else. "Come. We have work to do."

At the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier, the Avengers' base, Hawkeye the archer and Black Widow the spy were working out while Hawkeye told Black Widow his troubles. "Narrator, don't make me look like a whiny little girl." Okay, but who else am I supposed to tease? You're the most laughable, anyway. I mean, look at your costume. "Don't talk crap about my costume! Why can't you laugh at Iron Man?" He pays me to not. "Okay, what about Hulk?" Sure. I love committing suicide on a daily basis. "Um, what about Widow?" Ur... well... we're actually kind of dat- "SHUT UP! THE STORY'S BEING HELD UP!" Widow interrupted me. All right, resume. "Thanks. So, where was I, Natasha? Never mind, I remember. So Fury told me, if I didn't like my costume, grab the purple one he had made. This or that." I'd have chosen the purple one. Hawkeye was about to throw some colorful language at me for that last remark when Medusa's portal from before opened up... and out came the terrible trio.

"Well, well, well. Where can I find the Avengers?" Medusa inquired. Hawkeye replied, "We're the Avengers. Well, two of them, anyway." Medusa laughed, "Ha! No, really. Where are they? You're clearly no superhero. I mean, look at your costume." "WHY THE COSTUME? Everyone has to pick on the goddamn costume, don't they?" "I have no need for this. Crona!" Ragnarok turned into Demon Sword mode. Crona ran up to Black Widow, who pulled out a sniper rifle. Crona spazzed, "No, she's got a giant gun! I can't deal with that! Resonance scream!" Ragnarok unleashed sonic waves that made the helicarrier's engines blow out, as well as knocking Black Widow and Hawkeye unconscious. "Crona, carry these two back to our base." Crona nervously said, "I can't carry both of them, they're too heavy! I don't think I could deal with a hernia!" Ragnarok just scooped them up and brought over to the portal.


	2. Crona Can't Deal With Anything

"Gaahh... drunk..." Tony Stark, alias Iron Man sat in his office with a bottle of wine, celebrating the Avengers' latest victory. Thor Odinson was lying on the floor, also smashed. Steve Rogers, alias Captain America, barged in and yelled, "Sober up, people! We've got trouble. The S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier just crashed." This got everyone's attention. Tony asked, "Are Clint and Natasha (Hawkeye and Black Widow) okay?" "No one found their bodies, so for now we're saying they're M.I.A." Thor suddenly went erect and said, "I sense magic. They were abducted by mystical forces. 'Twas probably a witch." Steve said, "I brought my uniform. It's in the lobby. Tony, can you get your armor? Thor, I know you're wearing yours right now. Bruce doesn't need one as long as he has, um, stretchy pants." "So be it!" Thor grabbed his hammer, Mjolnir, from the floor beside him and whirled it around. All of the Avengers present disappeared, then reappeared where Bruce Banner was, waiting in the lobby. Then all four were teleported to some other location.

They all ended up in some forest. Thor flew into the air, whirled his hammer around, and sped away from the others. "Where the hell is he going?" Iron Man looked at Captain America. "What are you looking at me for? Maybe he knows where Clint and Natasha are and he wanted to check first." "Couldn't he have taken us with him while he did that?" A short silence followed. "Let's change the subject. Hey, where's Banner?" From the shadows, an outstretched hand grabbed Iron Man and pulled him into the shadows. Captain America followed the hand. It turned out to be Banner's; he had turned into the Hulk without getting mad somehow. He said, "Quiet! Hulk hear voices." Indeed, two people could be faintly heard.

"...And if you don't give me the $5.00 you owe me soon, I'll take every cent you own!" "No! I wouldn't have any money and I'd have to get a job! I don't think I could deal with the stress of coming home during Rush Hour!" Captain America ran toward the voices without a plan, which, for a tactical genius, is really a dumbass move. He ran into Crona and Ragnarok. Crona jumped and yelled, "Wah! He has wings on his head! I'm not sure how to deal with that!" Ragnarok turned into Demon Sword mode and smirked. "I do."


	3. Title: Misnomer?

Hulk and Iron Man ran out to see a massacre. Captain America was badly bleeding from sword slices from Ragnarok. Hulk said, "Yes! Now no one mooch Hulk's root beer!" Iron Man gave him The Look. Hulk turned red (in the cheeks). Crona saw Iron Man, yelled "Another suit of armor, like that Elric guy! I don't want to have to deal with that again!", and passed out. Ragnarok went back to humanoid form and knocked her head. "Hello? Anyone home?" Iron Man looked at Hulk and said, "When did Deadpool start turning into swords?" "Hulk no think that guy is Ryan Reynolds." Iron Man grabbed Captain America and looked up. He saw Thor flying downward, with Hawkeye and Black Widow in his arms. Hawkeye snapped at me, "For God's sake, you make it sound like I'm a princess being rescued from a dragon." (For the rest of the story, please note that Hawkeye will have no more lines of dialogue.)

Thor explained that he was able to save the two of them by sneaking into Medusa's house and flying out the window. He was just barely able to escape. Captain America weakly interrupted, "So the title _The Avengers Meet Medusa And Crona_ is a misnomer, then?" "Well, _I_ got to meet Medusa. You guys saw Crona. It all worked out." Black Widow said, "Can we just go before Crazy Black Goo Guy snaps out of it?" Iron Man was confused. "Venom isn't in this story, Natasha?" "Ug, can we just go home now? Color me not interested." (Somewhere, in an unpublished volume of _Scott Pilgrim_, Other Scott is thinking as he reads this: _She better pay me royalties for using my line_.)

Underneath the DWMA, in Death City, Shinigama-Sama looked at the entombed and sleeping Kishin and said, "Good thing no one but me knows about this." In the shadows, a familiar purple-skinned alien spied on the Grim Reaper. Thanos whispered, "Now, this looks promising."

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